Don’t let crewnecks choke your style

In the days of yore, crewneck T-shirts were the sole province of snub-nosed, wily little boys who littered the comic strips and television screens of middle America with their amusing high-jinks. (Think Dennis the Menace, Beaver and Opie, and if you’re too young to know who they are, for the love of God keep it to yourself.)

Ladies back then wouldn’t be caught dead in a crewneck. Skip forward a few decades, and now crewneck T’s in various grades of cotton, rayon, and silk are the staple, go-to top for women across the United States.

Guess what? Ladies knew best. Crewnecks look better on little Bobby or Suzy than they ever will on the vast majority of grown women. Sure, a few women shine in crewnecks, just like a few manage to avoid clown status in harem pants. But I don’t look good in crewnecks, and the honest truth is that you probably don’t either.

Not sure what the big deal is? Put on a knit crewneck and take a look in a full-length mirror.

Notice that the upper-half of your body now bears a strong resemblance to a cereal box (i.e., squat and rectangular). The crewneck creates a visual horizontal line from shoulder to shoulder, and the fabric of the T-shirt falls straight down the body from that wide, wide line.

Let’s experiment: Hook your finger in the middle of the crewneck and pull. Your dumpiness level automatically decreases by a factor of 10 because you’ve broken up the rectangle with a few inches of your upper chest. (The wide horizontal line created by a crewneck can help a relatively thin woman with small shoulders, a small chest, and wide hips to balance out her body. This woman can look stunning in a crewneck, but for the rest of us, it’s: “Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!”)

That doesn’t mean you have to dust off the iron and switch to collared blouses. A T is a versatile, comfortable piece of clothing that can go casual or corporate. Just ditch the crewneck. A V-neck or U-neck (aka scoop neck) will allow you to keep the benefits of a T-shirt lifestyle while adding a dash of flattering elegance to your wardrobe. And you don’t need a T that puts your full décolletage on view unless you add layers. A simple, modest V- or U-neck will do the trick.

These T’s are available in a range of styles, fabrics, colors, and prices. Being somewhat allergic to malls, I often buy such basics on-line. Some favorites that are within the realm of financial possibility are at J Jill and Eddie Bauer.

If you’re worried about real or imagined “blemishes” on your upper chest, add in unique earrings or a below-the-neckline pendant to draw people’s eyes either up or down (and away from your trouble spots). Go ahead: Release your neck — and your style.

Uh-oh: Can’t afford to get rid of your closet full of crews? Stay tuned for “make it work” advice.